So I'm not really the kind of person to just let stuff linger out there ok. And what I mean by that is, for instance, if you have a problem with me and I've heard that you might, or if something you did or said made me feel some kind of way, and you are someone that I care about and value, then I am going to tell you how I feel or what I heard. Before I get into specifics let me reason with you. Say you have a significant other. Say they....hmmm, lets say they hurt your feelings. They unknowingly made a joke about something that you were insecure about or were sensitive about or whatever. Now YOU, don't mention to them that they hurt your feelings or whatever and YOU then begin to have time to think about it, and think about it, and think about it because that really hurt your feelings. You can't even believe they would say that to you, so forth and so on. Lets say the next day, you talk to them, and instead of upfront addressing how their words hurt you or made you feel some kind of way, you continue to hold it in. And while you're on the phone you're just thinking about what they said and how it made you feel...that halfway through the conversation your tone and attitude towards them changes because you're mad all over again. An idle mind is the devils playground. Holding in emotions is not healthy. For one, you can make something small turn into something big because one thing we often do is expect for people to be able to READ OUR MINDS!!! Sorry to tell you loves, they can't. For two, its not good because it causes stress on your mental, your spiritual and your physical state.
So me being who I am just expect any issues to be resolved or at least "put out there" when dealing with me. Especially if we're emotionally involved, communication is HUGE for me then. The downside to this however, is knowing how to get your point across without it seeming like you're attacking them (dun dun DUNNNN). It just so happens, that I'm a blunt person. I see no need for beating around the bush playing games, or walking around a topic or an issue. All dancing around the problem does, is waste time that could be used talking about what the problem is. But you can't just have a conversation by saying "oh you do this, and you did that, and you said this, or you didn't say that". That's not gonna work either. Finding a happy medium when you're upset does complicate how you want to verbalize your concern but it isn't impossible! So what I try to do is before I address it, I think about exactly what it is that I'm upset about, and explain it how it came across to me and why I feel the way I feel. Dumb it down and putting it as delicately as possible. Instead of accusing by saying "you were ignoring me and I just don't get why you would when you know xyz is going on" say "I felt a little ignored, although that may not have been your intention, but with xyz going on I just wanted a little more attention and I didn't feel like I got it". "But isn't that beating around the bush?" you say? No, because once again, people don't read minds. I have to say EXACTLY what it is that I was upset about. Second, Furthermore, how you think or view a situation may not be how another person sees it. We are unique, perspectives and opinions vary from person to person. Being specific is the only way you know you got your side of the story across the best way you know how.
I'm not saying I'm an expert by ANY means, NOR am I saying this is the right way for you. But one thing I've learned is that communication is key to just about anything. Especially relationships. In my opinion it's best to keep the line free and open, to help weed out any confusion or misunderstandings. And it's also best to handle it BEFORE our minds have too much time (hence the TOO MUCH time part because I know sometimes you just need that breather to woo-sah it out before you say something to prevent yourself from exploding in your delivery) to make it worse. Be open, talk it out, build with one another. This doesn't have to apply to just "your boyfriend/girlfriend" but a friend, family. Remember that life is short, letting problems that could more than likely be corrected by just expressing yourself and being receptive to the other person expressing themselves just causes unnecessary tension.
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