I'd Like A Conversation Please, Hold the "Beat Bush"...

So I'm not really the kind of person to just let stuff linger out there ok. And what I mean by that is, for instance, if you have a problem with me and I've heard that you might, or if something you did or said made me feel some kind of way, and you are someone that I care about and value, then I am going to tell you how I feel or what I heard. Before I get into specifics let me reason with you. Say you have a significant other. Say they....hmmm, lets say they hurt your feelings. They unknowingly made a joke about something that you were insecure about or were sensitive about or whatever. Now YOU, don't mention to them that they hurt your feelings or whatever and YOU then begin to have time to think about it, and think about it, and think about it because that really hurt your feelings. You can't even believe they would say that to you, so forth and so on. Lets say the next day, you talk to them, and instead of upfront addressing how their words hurt you or made you feel some kind of way, you continue to hold it in. And while you're on the phone you're just thinking about what they said and how it made you feel...that halfway through the conversation your tone and attitude towards them changes because you're mad all over again. An idle mind is the devils playground. Holding in emotions is not healthy. For one, you can make something small turn into something big because one thing we often do is expect for people to be able to READ OUR MINDS!!! Sorry to tell you loves, they can't. For two, its not good because it causes stress on your mental, your spiritual and your physical state.

So me being who I am just expect any issues to be resolved or at least "put out there" when dealing with me. Especially if we're emotionally involved, communication is HUGE for me then. The downside to this however, is knowing how to get your point across without it seeming like you're attacking them (dun dun DUNNNN). It just so happens, that I'm a blunt person. I see no need for beating around the bush playing games, or walking around a topic or an issue. All dancing around the problem does, is waste time that could be used talking about what the problem is. But you can't just have a conversation by saying "oh you do this, and you did that, and you said this, or you didn't say that". That's not gonna work either. Finding a happy medium when you're upset does complicate how you want to verbalize your concern but it isn't impossible! So what I try to do is before I address it, I think about exactly what it is that I'm upset about, and explain it how it came across to me and why I feel the way I feel. Dumb it down and putting it as delicately as possible. Instead of accusing by saying "you were ignoring me and I just don't get why you would when you know xyz is going on" say "I felt a little ignored, although that may not have been your intention, but with xyz going on I just wanted a little more attention and I didn't feel like I got it". "But isn't that beating around the bush?" you say? No, because once again, people don't read minds. I have to say EXACTLY what it is that I was upset about. Second, Furthermore, how you think or view a situation may not be how another person sees it. We are unique, perspectives and opinions vary from person to person. Being specific is the only way you know you got your side of the story across the best way you know how.

I'm not saying I'm an expert by ANY means, NOR am I saying this is the right way for you. But one thing I've learned is that communication is key to just about anything. Especially relationships. In my opinion it's best to keep the line free and open, to help weed out any confusion or misunderstandings. And it's also best to handle it BEFORE our minds have too much time (hence the TOO MUCH time part because I know sometimes you just need that breather to woo-sah it out before you say something to prevent yourself from exploding in your delivery) to make it worse. Be open, talk it out, build with one another. This doesn't have to apply to just "your boyfriend/girlfriend" but a friend, family. Remember that life is short, letting problems that could more than likely be corrected by just expressing yourself and being receptive to the other person expressing themselves just causes unnecessary tension.

The Good/Bad Influence

Have you ever known somebody who was such a great influence, great person to be around, could laugh joke, chill, with, kept you high spirited but in the same breath....was a complete "bad" influence at least where it counts *wink* lol???? Well I would be that person (or at least I think I'm great...). Like I've said before I've been on....ok, let me briefly explain cause I don't wanna keep referring to this as the "positivity kick". If you've never heard of "The Secret" you need to google that shit right now. But anyway, ever since I've started applying the secret into my life...mixed with divulging in my religion, I appreciate life more. With that being said, I try to project that into the lives of the people I care about because I want them to be happy in life and to think their most wanted desires into existence because it can happen (which you will understand more if you googled "The Secret"). Plus I'm the ultimate chiller. No really I am though lol. Chilling playing the game, smoking, drinking, playing cards, watching movies all that, I'm always up for if I can make it out. And more importantly I'm there for my friends, or try to be in any way I can. I can't always do financially, but when I can I do, and I will always show my support in any endeavors, and be there emotionally as well.

And yet....with all these wonderful qualities of mine I'm the devil on your shoulder lol. If you want to do something, no matter if its right or it's wrong, I'm going to be that person to say go for it. Horrible right? But see here's why I do it. Now as a person, you think. So before you ever form a word to come out of your mouth, you already know what you want to say. In knowing what it is, that you want to say, it means that prior to you saying it, you put some thought into it. Now I don't know about you, but if I've put some thought into something, especially something that would consider what I'm saying wrong or potentially wrong by carrying whatever is said into action, then I've already mentally thought about and weighed the pros and cons. So with that being said, I feel like if you've had enough time to formulate a thought and verbalized it to me, then all you need is the okay to do it. And lucky enough, I'm willing to push you right over the edge, a little courage so to speak lol. Of course every situation is different and some things need a little more consideration, I'm not gonna be like "yeah nigga you should definitely go kill that nigga, use a revolver no cases" lol like no, I can't condone that. But seriously, life is too short. It is. Ever notice that time moves by so much faster as an adult then it did as a child? Well that's because as a child you lived, carefree. And now as adults, we're so consumed with work and money and bills and groceries and ahhh damn I gotta spend this extra money on xyz that we miss out on the beauty of life. The beauty of love, and mystery, and good conversations with good people. And sometimes you need an escape. You need to believe that there's more. And there is.....all you need is a little belief that you can, and I'm here to always give a helping hand =) lol

A Word of Advice...

Here's a bit of advice, get yourself a good group of friends. And I mean people who are generally good people who like to get together have fun, chill, smoke, drink, whatever. These people must be reliable as friends, are intelligent and smart, but when it's time to party, it's time to party. This will save you from yourself sometimes. When I get down and out I can always count on my friends to lift my spirits. Even if only temporarily for the moment for that night or whatever. Surrounding yourself around good people that will uplift you, well...it uplifts you. I wouldn't trade my friends for anyone other friends in the world. Using the word "real" becomes a cliche but really....they are. I found out how real they are last year which furthermore leads me to believe that I have the best friends ever invented....I'm just saying (no you can't have them go get your own)....but anyway much love, life, happiness....

Love is Indispensable

Sooooo I promise I'm not making this up. I have lately been trying to be more positive (that'll be another post entirely) and getting more into my faith. So I downloaded the YouVersion Bible App onto my iPad. On this app you can just read the daily verse, or select the Book and Chapter you want to read OR you have the option to start a plan. These plans are based on a topic of interest (i.e. say your having issues with image or want to look up scriptures related to marriage) and it will start you on a plan, that you visit everyday and it will be a couple of verses related to whatever topic it is you're doing your plan on. So on Sunday, I go into the app and read the daily verse.mthe daily verse was the image below. I then go into my plan that I started, which just so happens to be love, and read Sundays verse for the day. Now, let me say, that I have been having issues in my love life for the last two years. I lately have beginning to feel like maybe the whole love scene isn't for me. Like I'm one of those people that are meant to do other things, finding love not being one of them. Or maybe, I just have this unrealistic view that in this day and age real love, actually exists. The kind of love that has no limits and no boundaries. The kind of love that can withstand all trials and come out stronger in the end. Where you laugh, and joke, feel appreciated, feel beautiful, no secrets, no lies, and you where you can feel secure. I was certainly on the brink of giving up on love because I love wholeheartedly and most people aren't capable of loving like that and I was tired of it not being reciprocated. But then Monday night, after I read the daily verse, and go into my plan, the same scripture that was posted as the daily verse for Sunday, was my plan scripture for Monday. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but my first response was wow......

I feel like, in that moment, God reached out to me and said "Don't quit...", in that moment he was reminding me yet again that a life without love is no life at all. No matter the achievements, or successes I may experience, no matter if I gain all the money in the world, none of it means a thing if I don't have love. Now, I'm not going to say that my current love life is going to magically get better, I actually anticipate it not lasting, which sucks, but I'm in better spirits about possibly finding what I desire even after (if) it ends....

"And now these three things remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

Do Unto Others....

Lately I've been taking the time out to analyze myself. I put a lot of energy into anything that matters to me. I guess you could say I'm a very emotion-filled person. If you're someone I consider dear to me then I'd go out of my way for you if I could, provide my support for you, etc. This sometimes, however, sets me up to get my feelings hurt...because being who I am I do these things because I care and assuming that this feeling is reciprocated I develop expectations off the strength that I would for you so you will for me. But unfortunately we live in a dog eat dog world and the reality is that people do for self. Naturally, they do what benefits them. And as a person you should make sure that you take care of yourself first. But as a person you should also have the ability and the want to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. The greatest commandment set forth by God himself and yet most people are too wrapped up in the specifics of their life to execute it. Think about it, how many friends, family co-workers, girlfriends., boyfriends, etc....have you done something for just off the strength of who they are to you or because you think to yourself "if the shoe where on the other foot, I know they'd have my back" and when the time came for them to deliver on your thought or expectation of them....and they did the complete opposite?  Bet that threw your for a loop huh? Yeah, I get that a lot. And as time goes on I typically just try not to expect anything from anybody. But sometimes when this happens you just want to punch them in the face and be like "I thought we were better than this". It really disappoints me the lack of faith you have to have in people and why? But I guess life circumstances make everyone who they are and as much I wish I could just turn off how much I care for and about people I can't. And I don't want to. I thought like that before and all it did was bring me more shut doors than open ones and I'd rather have some options when I need a hand then none. Just rambling now, there really is no point I'm making just an observation. And if you're thinking why not just change if it bothers you so much? Because I like helping people, I like being there for people, my presence whether big or small, if it helps I'm happy to contribute. It's just the way I am.....