Natural Hair Dilemma

Ok I know I've been slacking on my blogging and I promise there are legitimate reasons....but we won't get into that right now. Why??? Because I have a hair dilemma!!!! Not currently (well shit if you wanna be technical yes currently) but ok let me slow down. I have not had a relaxer since October. No specific reason ORIGINALLY outside of the fact that I just really never needed a relaxer that often. I'd often go 4-5 months without a relaxer and when straightened you'd never know unless I said so. Around February though, I just decided that I was going to go on this natural hair journey and decided that I was not going to get a relaxer again. At first this was easily manageable because I've gone 4-5 months without a relaxer before so it was pretty simple. But then talking to one of my best friends she's like "I don't use heat at all. It kinda defeats the purpose of being natural as you won't get or see your curls and heat has the same damaging effects of a relaxer." So....I stopped using heat AS OFTEN (I'm sorry I won't be one of those women who never wears her hair straight cause I like it straight and can manage it straight). I'll say I've only straightened my hair twice since February and that was for my birthday and when I went on my mini vacay the following week. Now with no heat, ya girl is in a WHOLE NEW TERRITORY!!!!! Idk what to do with this mess and then dealing with two textures (my natural hair texture which is hella curly and thick vs my relaxed hair) is for the muthafuckin birds!!!!!!!!!

So lately here I've been thinking of doing my BC (big chop) and just cutting off all my relaxed hair and saying fuck it. I originally wanted to transition for a year but I'm like....I've got 7 months of growth so it's not like my hair will be super short however.....I've never had short hair....like ever....nothing above my ears since the 8th grade and I've been outta high school for 7 years, you do the math. That's a LONG ASS TIME!!!  I don't know if I'll be able to rock the little curly short do and I'm already hella self conscious and having short hair will just add to my awkwardness. On the other hand....seriously you have no idea the struggle of "transitioning" to all au natural lol. Plus I want to see my curls!!!! I won't go into the stereotype of "good hair" but I do have a decent grade of hair naturally that you wouldn't typically see on someone my complexion. So I wanna see it dammit lol. I want fall in love with it and me but I wonder....can I really??? I'm scared to death that I won't be as attractive without my hair or that other ppl won't like it. My best friend keeps telling me it'll be a good move and above all else even sexier than myself with relaxed hair....I'm not as confident about embracing this side of me as she is and has been lol. Only for reasons of length. Petty? Sure why not but its what I'm used to. I think I've decided to do it though the weekend of June the 1st. I'm currently reading "Better Than Good Hair" by Nikki Walton bka "Curly Nikki" and it's really a good read and encouraging me on this journey of mine. I think I've made up my mind subconsciously but I'm still trying to cope with the idea. I know waiting for a year is out of the question lol. It would be nice but....two textures is a no go (natural hairstyles don't work as well on the relaxed ends and relaxed styles only last a day or two I'd that because I have so much growth that any humidity or heat reverts it making me look like a poodle lol). Anyway, wish me luck!!!!