Just Love Me....

Ok I'm going to be completely honest here. I believe in love *gasps*. I really and truly do. I believe in that fairy tale, movie kind of love too. But, in a world where love is so rare, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to find it. Being able to have someone that without a shadow of a doubt will be there for you and fight for you. And I don't mean just physically fight for you. I mean someone who makes it their personal vendetta to do everything in their power to let you know that, you are it for them. And when you're being stubborn, won't allow you to think that you're going to walk away. Especially when everyone does things when they're angry or upset that they don't actually mean, moreso us women but men, you do too. 

Why do I think that this kind of love even exists? Because I've SEEN it with my own two eyes. And more importantly because I love like that. Unfortunate for me because no one I've ever loved has loved me back like that. And yet I'd still fight for them. I'd still fight for the relationship like them seeing me care that much would somehow trigger something in them like "BOOM" I DO care for her like she cares for me, I do love her like she loves me. Unfortunately that was never the case. Not ever. Not even now and I'm married. Though that doesn't mean anything seeing as how I'll be divorced soon. Hell, half the time we've been married we've been separated. I guess thats part or the reason why I don't think I'll ever be loved as much I love other people. Besides after while you get tired of giving your all and getting half or less in return. You come to not trust it. Or trust people. More importantly you start to not trust yourself. Like, maybe I just suck at choosing someone that actually suits me. Everything is great in the beginning but what about when you finally argue, or have a difference, will it automatically end the relationship? Will we recover from it? Will I feel the same way about you, will you feel the same way about me? Will you cheat or communicate with me your feelings? Or will you lie and harbor these feelings of discontent and let it escalate in your mind while I think everything is fine? I mean these are the normal issues in a relationship but the difference in it is the other persons mentality. If they're even looking for something long term or just something to do for the moment? 

Most males in my age group don't want something long term. Too busy flocking from female to female, chasing after "the baddest bitches" and have a warped sense of what beauty is, what a woman is, or what substance is. More importantly most males in my age group aren't ready to be committed on the level that I would want, no, that I would need in a serious relationship. For me that ship has sailed as far as allowing (allowing as in allowing them to stay with me after their second "accident" smh) someone to cheat and continuously cheat. Had my fair share and yeah, no lol. Some people don't believe in monogomy and have soooo many reasons as to why they don't etc....to each it's own. As far as MY own, I'm not real keen on sharing *kanye shrug*. My opinion....the number of men actually ready to settle down is going to continue to dwindle. Why? Because all that is shown and I publicized and praised is "getting money and fucking bitches". No one talks love anymore, no one talks marriage, some people even argue that marriage is just a ploy the "government" came up with to get money out of people. Wrong. Marriage is something God came up with to join two people together before him to experience life and grow together. He made us to be in pairs. Hence Adam and Eve. Also why single people get lonely. Someone is SUPPOSED to be there. But it's like no one realizes it and more importantly no one cares. So many shouts of #teamsingle #MOB #fucklove #fuckmarriage and no one seems to want that kind of devotion or nor do they respect the ones that have it. Men sleeping with married women and women....man women sleep with someone they KNOW is married like, fuck his wife....but how would you feel if you was someone's wife and they said fuck you...what if it was your husband? It's different then I guess -__-. 

My point is that we are hitting a rock bottom as a people and there are only a few people left who realize that the key to life doesn't belong in money, or material things, or the people you've slept with. It's only in the people you love, happiness, and how you enjoyed life. You often hear single rich people say how lonely it is at the top, and how having all the money in the world is nothing with no one to share it with....but they're rich though....hmmm....

"Love is everything. It is the key to life, and it's influences are those that move the world."

 - Unknown

"And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."

- 1 Corinthians 13:13